Sometimes I don't update my lj. Oops.

I don't even know how committed I am to this entry. It's not that I don't want to update, it's just that I have other things to do, which at this moment include working on a scholarship, taking a shower, getting ready, and coming up with an awesome way to spend the first free Friday that both Elizabeth and I have had in quite a while.

I've been so busy! Bouncing from school to work to rehearsals to seeing people etc etc etc... It's insane and awesome and tiring and a whole lot of fun (the last two) and a tad boring (the first two).

And amidst all this chaos of trying to get everything done, working on my soon-to-open show, finishing my last month of the semester, driving up to LA, trying to hang out with people who are busy just like me, and then just the sometimes-not-so-simple act of living life, there is one thing that keeps coming to mind: UCLA's admission decisions.

Now, I've heard it all- the "things will happen how they're supposed to", the "oh you'll get in!", the "you'll make the best out of whatever happens", etc etc. And I appreciate all of these comments, I really do. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't remember ever being so entirely invested in a single decision of something in my entire life, and it's scary. I am hoping, praying, and crossing my fingers for the best, but still trying to realistically look at what my alternative options are. It's stressful, but I'm trying not to let myself freak out too much about it. I mean, I've done everything I can- the essays, the grades, the interview, the resume, etc. Now it's simply a matter of waiting, and wondering, and hoping.

Maybe I'll attempt to write in here more.

And in other news- Candace, I watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog right after you first told me I should... and then I watched it again this weekend and I'm newly re-obsessed. I bought the soundtrack last night. I adore NPH.

Oh internet-- you make long distance communication snappy.
Oh cell phones-- you make 160 character messages quick.
Oh technology-- you make it possible to be online with two of your favorite people while also texting them.

Thank you, thank you technology.

If I wasn't holding an ice pack to my face, I would do something more about the horrific lack of lj entries. As it is, I'll make a hopefully fulfilled promise to write later.

And Ryan? Welcome to lj. :)

This is the first decent amount of free time I've had in about a week, and of course I use it to do a survey. Maybe it'll relax me? Or maybe I'm just a fool. lol


100 Truths:
Last beverage → Iced tea

Last phone call → I left messages for Kevin and Spencer. Last person I talked to, though, was my grandma.

Last instant message → Uh no se. Probably Ryan.

Last song you listened to → I have no idea. Wait, now it's "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt... My brother is listening to his ipod while he showers. I had no idea he had or liked this song lol.

Last time you cried → Heh... few nights ago?

Last text message → Elizabeth, who caught me right before I fell asleep. lol

HAVE YOU EVER
Dated someone twice → No

Been cheated on → No

Kissed someone & regretted it → Sort of. Yeah.

Lost someone special→ In more ways than one.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
Green, purple, blue

IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU:
Made a new friend → Sort of?

Fallen out of love → Absolutely not.

Laughed until you cried → Almost. I laughed until I thought I was going to suffocate lol

Met someone who changed your life→ Not in the past month, no.

Found out who your true friends were → I don't know.

Found out someone was talking about you → Not that I can think of.

RANDOM
How many kids do you want to have → At least two, and possibly three or four, but not for quite a while. It would be a little irresponsible to have a baby when I still call them "it" and think of them as parasites.

Do you have any pets → Abby, Luke, and Claude

Do you want to change your name? → Nah-- at least not my first name. I may not like it much, but it's me. I love my middle name. And my last name? Well hopefully I'll get to change that one someday :)

What did you do for your last birthday→ I went to the Melting Pot with my family and Matt the night before my birthday, then spent my actual birthday having a taco picnic and playing frisbee at the park with Ryan, Manuel, Matt, and Austin... then I had dinner with Austin and Spencer, then I hung out with Matt again.

What time did you wake up today→ About fifteen minutes ago. 10 something.

What were you doing at midnight last night → Texting Elizabeth

Name something you CANNOT wait for → Being done with college applications XD

Last time you saw the one you love → You act as if there is only one person I love! I saw three of my loves just yesterday: Matt, Elizabeth, and Austin.

What's one thing you wish you could change → The happiness levels of some of my friends.

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → lol yes...

What's getting on your nerves right now→ My to-do list, which was supposed to be tiny over Christmas break, but has instead decided to expand practically overnight.

Most visited webpage → Gmail, Facebook, LJ

What's your real name→ Stephanie

Nicknames → NAP, Tep, Jae, Deedee... Mostly 3-letter things, lol.

Zodiac sign → Virgo

School- SDSU/OCC/SBC/IVC/????

Hair color → At the moment, it's back to my natural brown. Delaney and I should dye ours again.

Long or short → Shoulder-ish length? AKA short for me.

Are you health freak → Haha I should be more aware of my health sometimes.

Height → 5'6"

What do you like about yourself → The fact that I either don't care or can get around what other people think of me.

Piercings → My ears.

Tattoos → None.

Righty or lefty→ Righty... mostly. lol

FIRSTS :
First surgery → None... but wisdom teeth soon :P

First piercing → My ears, on my first birthday.

First best friend → Justin and Katie :)

First sport you joined → Probably soccer.

First pet → Ginger!! Our amazing dog :)

First vacation → Probably Colorado.

First concert – XD NSYNC!!!!!

First crush→ Sean in kindergarten lol

Future career possibilities→ Theatre/film techie, teacher, writer...

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? :
Lips or eyes → Eyes!

Hugs or kisses → Bwahaha... I like both from any, but I'm still saying kisses from that one :]

Shorter or taller → Taller, por favor.

Older or Younger→ I don't care.

Romantic or spontaneous → lol how are they different things? They can be the same.

Sensitive or loud → I'd say sensitive, but again, this seems odd to compare.

Trouble-maker or hesitant → A healthy mix of the two suits me just fine :)

HAVE YOU EVER :
Kissed a stranger → No. A strange person? Yes.

Drank hard liquor → Yuh.

Lost glasses/contacts → Nope; I don't wear them.

Ran away from home → Temporarily. More like sneaking out XD

Broken someone's heart → I might have... :\

Been arrested → Nope.

Turned someone down → Yep.

Cried when someone died → Yes.

Liked a guy/girl friend → Haha those are basically the only ones I have liked. Friends first.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
Yourself → Usually :)

Love at first sight → Nope.

Heaven → I do.

Santa Claus → Unfortunately not. lol

Kissing someone you've met for the first time ever → That sounds odd. Is it kissing someone the first time I meet them? Or is it kissing someone that I have met at one point, just for the first time? The first, probably not. The second, of course. lol

Angels → Sometimes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
Is there one person you want to be with right now?→ More than one, if you mean physically.

Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time → No, but I have sort of pursued/been pursued by one person while still sort of liking another.

Do you believe in God? → I do.

Posting this as 100 Truths? → No sir.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Switched colleges (Um... twice? Three times?)... fell through a glass table... went 4 months without seeing Elizabeth (Saturday! Saturday! Saturday!)... drove to LA alone (several times)... told people about my weird recurring dream/nightmare... wrote because I wanted to and not because I had an idea... bought a plane ticket... got a speeding ticket... attempted to learn Italian... and ten thousand other things lol

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I'm not much of a new years' resolution person; I feel like you spend all this time thinking of what to put on your resolution list, and then you wait for a specific time to start working on it. If you want to fix something, fix it now.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin had a baby a few months ago (her name is Cami and she is gorgeous!), and my neighbor Tiffany will have a baby right at the beginning of 2009... and Shannen already said Mrs. F :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, but Shane's dad did, and all I wanted was to be there for him.

5. What countries did you visit?
... none. And I'm not even going to London next semester anymore.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A college that I like... And a happier family life. Ha.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 12th - I left SDSU for good.
May 25th - the day my parents sat down and told me they were separating.
June 5th - the day Matt and I actually addressed the fact that best friends don't typically hold hands or pay for each other's food or blush around one another... and so we decided to settle that and become something a little bit more :)
August 18th - when my parents decided to tell me they had given up.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting good grades despite the fact that I've hated every college I've attended thus far... NaNoWriMo amidst college apps and family drama and homework and midterms... All the short stories I've written that have helped me consider something I never even thought about before, and that is that short stories might just be my thing... all the pictures I've taken... the things that I let go of to be happy, despite my iron grip on them for over a year... finding someone who I can talk to about anything and everything, and I really, truly, honestly mean that.

9. What was your biggest failure?
... I'm not sure. Maybe just little things, like not breaking bad habits that I really need and want to work on.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I have a parasite on my heart lol. And I had this terrible cough at the beginning of the year. I sliced my thumb open on three different occasions. Oh and I fell through a glass table and now have a nice, lovely scar. On my butt.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Probably the book I'm going to give Elizabeth for Christmas. It's called "I Like You", and here's a quote from it: "If I break my arm, and if you break your arm, then breaking your arm is fun!"
I swear we wrote it in a past life.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Anyone who really showed they cared, or surprised me, or really made me smile. Elizabeth, Matt, Shannen, Delaney, Scott, Ryan, Candace... And Brittany, the Stephanies, Tiffany, Spencer, Liz, Becky, and probably lots of others, too.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The people who paved the street. Wendla's mom. My parents.

14. Where did most of your money go?
To my car, lol.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Spring break! Summer! Matt coming home from Africa! My birthday! Going to Arizona for Thanksgiving weekend! Christmas break! (47 more hours...)

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Anything from Spring Awakening, anything Elizabeth and I put into the video I made, anything on my "Latest" playlist, lots of Augustana, Regina Spektor, Sara Bareilles, The Kooks, Norah Jones, Taylor Swift (I blame Elizabeth), the Juno soundtrack...

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Actually? I'm happier. But the sad moments are worse than those from last year, I think.
ii. thinner or fatter? lol the same!!
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer, but I make more money and live with my parents. lol what the heck??

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
... study... Haha no, not really. Just for history.
I wish I'd taken a couple more risks- not that I usually have a problem with just doing things, but everyone has moments when they wish they'd said or done something. Even little things. Like telling the awkward man at the park last night to have a good evening or something. lol

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Calculus XD

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
... I guess with my family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
:) I did. And I am.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Probably Heroes.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't like the word hate, so no. However, I've gotten more upset with certain people than I was a year ago. My parents, for one. lol surprise surprise.

24. What was the best book you read?
Oh my gosh there are so many. Anything by Mary Stewart. And The Thirteenth Tale. And I reread Bittersweet, which is one of my all-time favorites. And anything by Neil Gaiman.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery of 2008?
Pandora. That's not a band, but an amazing discovery. Pandora.com- put in a band, song, or artist you like, and they play others songs you should like. It's absolutely amazing and definitely a musical discovery.

26. What did you want and get?
Haha... Matt :)

27. What did you want and not get?
A dorm room? A better sophomore year? A million dollars?

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Juno

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
First I went to the Melting Pot the night before with my family and Matt. Then on my actual birthday, I hung out with Ryan, Manuel, Austin, Matt, and Spencer. We played frisbee and had a picnic at the park and had dinner at my house.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If my parents' marriage didn't implode. Yeah that would be nice.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Jeans. Totally awesome and usually plain (or at least word- and logo-less) shirt. And earrings, always earrings.
Oh and I gave up on getting my hair straightened. It's back to my curls :)

32. What kept you sane?
My friends!
And then I wanted to say writing, but I lied- that made me insane. Sorry- makes me insane.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
lol fancy? Probably Ed Westwick or Corbin Bleu. I'm such a dork and I hate politics lol.
Oh but guess what? Joe Jonas might've been in my Calculus class.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Probably the election in general. I'd call that a political issue.

35. Who did you miss?
Always someone at one point or another. Elizabeth for about 7 months of the year... Matt every time he left the country or was at UCLA... any one of you reading this when you're away at your various colleges...

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Possibly Ben in my second semester Acting class at SDSU, but that might've only been because he was cute and nice :) Or actually, the people I work with- Tim, Kevin, Jason (well he just left, actually), Carlos, Ruben... they're all a lot of fun :)

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
COMMUNICATION IS KEY

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Down in Paris they walk fast
That is unless they're walking slow
And in cafe's they look away
that is unless they look right in
And in the corners I'm getting lost
that is unless I'm getting found
And if you are the ghost of New York City
then won't you stick around"

January: I guess I've had a lot to do over break, so my computer has been shelved, so to speak.

February: Remember when my uncle went to a golf game instead of the superbowl, and then the Patriots LOST, despite their previously perfect record?

March: That was Marc Chagall, by the way.

April: Voglio scrivere nell'Italiano, perché é buona pratica ed é un bello linguaggio.

May: [The funny thing about words] ... is how so many of them have different meanings.

June: So there's this girl who is me and there's this boy who is Matt... and we're not so single anymore... :)

July: I haven't said much in a while.

August: First time I've had internet since Thursday....

September: Life is insanely busy lately.

October: How lucky could I possibly get?

November: Dear Daylight Savings Time,

December: Dear California,

...to also avoid writing my paper.


1. Answer each of the questions below using the Flickr Search engine.
2. Choose a photo from the first three pages.
3. Copy the URL of your favorite photo into this site: http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php.
4. Share!

The questions:
1. my name
2. favorite food
3. hometown
4. favorite color
5. celebrity crush
6. favorite drink
7. dream vacation
8. favorite dessert
9. what I most want to be when I grow up
10. what I love most in the world
11. one word that describes me
12. how you're feeling

So I talk to many of you in ways other than lj- facebook, phones, face to face (gasp!), but still I realized I had not said something here that I think is kind of necessary to say.

For the second year in a row (not quite as impressive as four, but still slightly insane- I mean cool), I actually successfully finished as a winner of NaNoWriMo... but most of you may already know that. What I wanted to say, however, wasn't that. What I wanted to say was why I was able to win this year.

Reason #1: My brother. He went so far as to steal my phone so I couldn't text when I should have been writing.
Reason #2: Matt, who formed the "Mad Badgers" team with my brother, the duties of which I have determined include forcing me to write and refusing me basic needs (my cell phone, cookies, fun, acknowledgment) if I don't.
Reason #3: Candace, whose postcards made my day, who made a wonderful CD that is being played over and over again, and whose texts were unexpected bits of (usually perfectly timed) encouragement.

I mean every word when I say that I couldn't have done it without them.
They are seriously cool people.

Dear California,

Would you like a reason why your debt is so monumentally huge? I'll tell you one. You waste money, time, and jobs repaving a street that was already repaved VERY recently, that DEFINITELY didn't need it, and that is now a major inconvenience AND, as I mentioned, a waste of so many things.

Lame.

Sincererly,
Stephanie

I went to Wordle.net, pasted the entirety of my novel thus far, and this is one of many it came up with. The bigger words are, the more prominent they are in my story, of course. I thought this was appropriate, so here: my novel (so far) in a (colorful) nutshell:

JUST when I start thinking that maybe I'm behind enough to drop this, that I'm crazy to try and attempt this feat this year, that I'm too tired to hash out even a few measly words, I get this text from Matt:

And now what are you doing? Writing?

And that simple assumption from someone who knows me so well is enough to make me keep going, at least a little longer.

Do you want to know my honest thoughts on the (presidential) outcome of yesterday's election?

If everyone can stand behind him, and I mean really unify in a way that our desperately country needs, then hey, more power to Obama. All I know is I'd be praying for whoever won to make the right choices. Wouldn't you?

Dear Daylight Savings Time,

Apparently the extra hour WASN'T for sleep. Stupid alarm clock...

Sincerely,
Stephanie

Dear Daylight Savings Time,

Thank you so much for falling in early November this year. I was going to be forced to choose between an extra hour of sleep and an extra hour of noveling, and now I don't have to choose. Never again will I forget you're coming or going. I love you.

Sincerely,
Sleepy Stephanie

I hadn't even completely decided IF I was going to write this month, let alone WHAT I would write if I decided to embark on this voluntary stretch of insanity...

...and then, Psychology happened. The class, not necessarily the concept. I was sitting there this morning, taking notes on defense mechanisms when BAM: displacement. For weeks, I've been toying with a story idea based on someone's suggestion, and displacement (hard to describe without telling you my story idea) was the key word in all my brainstorming. Call it a sign, call it a coincidence, call it crazy, I don't care.

I'm going to try.

And with school, family life (or avoiding it...), college apps (AGAIN, DAMNIT!), health stuff, and weekend nights spent mainly at Johnny Rockets, it could very well be extremely difficult. Support would be lovely.

And Candace- you're my favorite inspiring butterfly :)

How lucky could I possibly get? Some of my favorite people (Matt, Steph, Kevin) go to UCLA, which is a convenient 11 minutes from Santa Monica Junior High, the only Southern California location on Neil Gaiman's Graveyard Book Tour. Yes, Neil Gaiman!! Author of Stardust (yes, as in the movie) and so many more books, poems, short stories, and comics... Writer of my favorite NaNoWriMo pep talk from last year... and one of my favorite writers of all time, and I got to sit in an auditorium listening to him for hours! How many, I do not know, because I was too enthralled to keep track of time.

(Anyway, I'm jumping into the story, but since I'm tired, details may give way to quick and dirty descriptions.)

Steph and Matt agreed to go with me to the Graveyard Book event, even though neither one of them had read any of his books. Since it was announced on neilgaiman.com that he'd be reading part 1 of chapter 7 (by far, the longest chapter in the book), I decided to buy the book ahead of time and read up until that point.

However, since I was having WAAAAYY too much fun at UCLA (Yay!), I only got halfway through the fifth chapter by about 4 PM on Monday (the event started at 7). Someone had the brilliant idea, then, to read the remaining chapter and a half aloud, which we did (or started, anyway) on the beach next to Santa Monica Pier. Have I ever said that I love reading out loud? We agreed to read 3 pages each before passing it on, but I got carried away once and read six before stopping, then I volunteered to keep reading as we walked to Hot Dog on a Stick (big thanks to Steph and Matt for NOT letting me crash into anyone/thing). We ate, and then Matt picked up where I left off, reading in the car as we drove over to the junior high.

We weren't done yet, but we needed to find parking and seats, so Steph and I dropped Matt off and drove around the neighborhood, neither one of us very confident about the parking situation. But lo and behold! We found a tiny lot (Maybe ten or twelve spaces?) RIGHT next to the school, and because of my superb parking skills (seriously, ask Steph), we were calling Matt to ask where he was within 5 minutes of dropping him off.

After sitting and waiting (and waiting and waiting) and some slightly awkward but very awesome music (oh, also: I sped-read the last 3 pages and then explained them to Matt and Steph, so we were all caught up and ready to be read to), some man-who-was-not-Neil-Gaiman tried to entertain us for a moment before finally (actually, it wasn't that long) introducing Neil Gaiman. AHHHH!!!

He spent a while talking (AHHH! I'M LISTENING TO ACTUAL WORDS SAID BY NEIL GAIMAN! IN HIS BRITISH ACCENT!), laughing, joking, and explaining the brace on his finger (if I had to break a finger, I'd want it to be my middle one, too), before pulling out his new book, explaining the first six chapters in quick sentences (my favorite was chapter 6: "In chapter 6, Bod decides to try going to school, and that... doesn't work out very well."), and started to read.

"We might end at a bit of a cliffhanger, but it depends where halfway through chapter 7 is, so we'll see."

The rest of the book will stay the same in my mind, but every time I read the first 44 pages of chapter 7, the wonderful Mr. Gaiman's voice will be reading it, with his subtle differences in character dialogue, with his inflection and the words read the way he meant them to be. Every time he paused to take a sip of water, I held my breath, fearing the time was up, the spell was over, the reading was done... I wasn't the only one. And then, two seconds or ten minutes or an hour or a day or too short a time later, he stopped, at these words:

The hand that had been in the hole in the floor was holding a long, sharp knife.
"Now," said the man Jack. "Now, boy. Time to finish this."

I didn't hold my breath for long, because suddenly I was literally shouting, "No! No no no, not now! Not now!" The noise in the audience was a mix of laughter, yelling, frustration... the spell broke. Neil Gaiman's own words, posted just this morning on his online journal, describe it best: My favourite moment was the very end: applause is one thing, but the noise the audience made to indicate that they would rather that I hadn't stopped half-way through was amazing.

What followed were scenes from Coraline, an upcoming stop-motion movie based on a book of his (the DVD the scenes were from was burned just 5 days before, so they were remarkably recent), some Q & A (my two questions would have been: Will you write another pep talk for NaNoWriMo this year, and do you ever read something you've written and had published already aloud, and think 'oh darn, I wish I had written that sentence differently'?), and a special surprise: a reading of a poem that he'd written for Tori Amos' baby girl and was now having published as an illustrated version, with at least part of the royalties going to charities.

But then, sadly, it was over... He walked off the stage and we walked out (and then walked back in so I could buy a SIGNED copy of the book, once Matt suggested buying my copy from me because he's a genius.) and drove back.

What a lovely night with lovely people. :)

I'll leave you with some wonderful N.G. quotes from last night:

"The reason that The Graveyard Book is called The Graveyard Book is the same reason The Jungle Book is called The Jungle Book. One is about a little boy without a family who was raised by animals, and the other is about a little boy without a family raised by dead people."

"I don't know, but I guess The Dangerous Alphabet is for children... although it's for odd children... for the sort of children you want to watch."

Dear Stephanie,

I am writing to congratulate you on your acceptance into the Academic Studies Abroad program in London this Spring! The program dates are Jan. 14 - May 2. Shortly you will be receiving an Acceptance Packet in the mail, containing an official letter of acceptance, a Checklist of Forms that are due, and info on how to book your flight.

Your time in London will be one of the best of your life, but the time before you depart is often one of the most stressful. If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to call Lee or me at 888-845-4272. Our job is to answer your questions, so don't be afraid to ask them!

I'm looking forward to having you on the program and showing you the country that I fell in love with when I was in college.

Best regards,

Chelsea Kaloupek
Programs Manager

Life is insanely busy lately. Seriously, it's crazy stuff. I'm juggling school (Mon-Thurs at IVC from 9:30-12:20), my job (Johnny Rocket's at Irvine Spectrum, for those who don't know), my other job (working for Mrs. Harris 5 days a week from 1-2), and hanging out with people, particularly Matt at the moment, seeing as he leaves for UCLA the day after my birthday, AKA Saturday. Yyyyyikes! On top of all this is life drama (pray for Manuel! And my family! And Elizabeth!) and I'm busy busy busy, barely home for more than sleeping or homework. My brother and I have been so busy, in fact, that we went 4 days without seeing one another, despite living (or at least sleeping) in the same house. Oy!

But tell me- how are all of you?

He's home he's home and he's home!!!! And even though some things definitely still aren't good, I really do feel a lot better :)




You should've seen me answer the phone when he finally called; I was in a jacuzzi with my phone on a nearby chair, and when it rang, I jumped out, lunged for it, grabbed it, rolled, and popped up unscathed and talking to him, saying "hi!" about a dozen times. You would have laughed.